Short Funny Attorney Jokes

Defense Attorney: What is your age?
Little Old Woman: I am 86 years old.
Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you?
Little Old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm
spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside
me.
Defense Attorney: Did you know him?
Little Old Woman: No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down beside you?
Little Old Woman: He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?
Little Old Woman: No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away
some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Woman: He began to rub my br easts.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Little Old Woman: No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Woman: Why, Your Honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I
haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Woman: Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just spread my old legs and said to
him, "Take me, young man, Take me!"
Defense Attorney: Did he take you?
Little Old Woman: Hell, no. That's when he yelled, �April Fool!� And that's when I shot
the son of a bitch!

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The District Attorney stared at the jury, unable to believe its verdict.
Bitterly he asked, �What possible excuse could you have for acquitting this man?�
The foreman answered, �Insanity.�
The D.A. said, �All twelve of you???�

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�I have good news and bad news,� a defense attorney told his client. �First, the bad news.
The blood test came back, and your DNA is an exact match with the sample found on the
victim's dress.�
�Oh, no - I'm ruined!�" cried the client. �What's the good news?�
�Your cholesterol is down to 140!�